Tomorrow morning we are going to a parade. Grandma is in town. Aunts, nieces, babies, all coming to town just to watch a feakin parade.
I wish everyone sitting in their folding-chair-in-a bag, while waiting for the police car to screech it’s siren signifying the parade’s beggining would take a moment to realize how completely boring parades are.
BTW, why do these chairs necessitate a bag? I swear I spend more time pulling the chair out of the bag and putting it back in than I do actually sitting in it. Will someone please invent the bagless chair? Not hard. Just forget the bag. Done. Some clever bloak will eventually come up with a clip and a strap to make themselves feel like they’ve actaully revolutionized the chair sitting industry. But seriously. Chair bags are dumb. There you have it. The idea happened here first.
I get parades. I do. They’re for kids. The parents come along only to prevent them for being run over by a Shiner in an organge go cart. But I’ve had this discussion with my children. Dad: “Who wants to go to the parade?!” A jillion decible level screem of “ME!!!” Dad: “Why? They are stupid. You know clowns aren’t real don’t you?” (Would you believe none of my children believe in Santa Caus?)
Parades are not about the Miss Teen Pond Scum Festival sitting in the back of some rich bankers convertable. It’s not about the pooping horses, the batton dropping pack of little girls, the fat sweaty incumbant city council member shoving his flyer of he and his family and their dog, with the words, INTEGRITY, DEPENDABLE and FOUND INNOCENT ON ALL CHARGES written in comic sans, in your hand. No.
It’s about the candy. So all you paraders stop with the “I’m all famous, so be lucky if I wave at you”. attitude, mmkay? This paradee ain’t buyin’ it.
Stop referring to your horse trailer with bails of hay on it with a creepy looking dude in yellow tinted glasses holding an inflatable dear rifle a float.
And what exactly is a float? Does it represent something? Is it supposed to resemble something? I don’t get floats. At all. Just dress up and walk. Forget this float crap.
But I’ll take the candy and lots of it. I just wish they threw out cans of Mountain Dew because I got this new folding chair with a sweet cup holder.